Saturday, 21 May 2011

Inevitable Consciousness


Each and every waking moment , he burns
burns - in the fire that he lit 
lit by the spark of his hopes
hopes that get extinguished every night


Night - that lonely , dark place
place which he loves and fears the most
most of his time is spent in thinking
thinking of those unexperienced memories


Memories that haunt endlessly
endlessly knocking at his mind
mind mystified by signs
signs of the inevitable


Inevitable - that's what it always was
was never in his reach
reach was only in his dreams
dreams which ignite desire


Desire - the ultimate cause of his pain
pain which has become his symbiote
symbiote for his each moment
moment which he wants to forget


Forget those unworthy thoughts
thoughts which erode his senses
senses which have become numb
numb by his own actions


Actions which were futile 
futile like his words
words which are his feelings
feelings, which continuously crumble


Crumble like pieces of paper
paper which is torn into pieces
pieces which form the puzzle
the puzzle of his heart


Heart - he realizes is just an organ
organ relentlessly keeping him alive
alive to go through this endless loop
loop running each and every waking moment.









22 comments:

  1. wow !! perfectly done ! great flow to the lines :))

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  2. consciously well framed, each & every word n line!!!!
    your poetic skills are growing very fine!!!!

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  3. This is so creative.
    welcome to poets rally.

    have fun today.

    :)

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  4. ha. great circular poem...around and around we go...love the wrap in each line...and some great imagery as you told the tale...

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  5. Very very artfully done! And with so much meaning and depth in it too... really beautiful!

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  6. Enjoyed reading your poem.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  7. The way you use the color gives a whole new dimension to the poetry. Bravo. The beginning reminds me of fahrenheit 451 "It was a pleasure to burn."

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  8. Interesting and perfect. Thanks for sharing. I apologies that I checked late :)

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  9. great flow line to line...would tighten up some of the middle sections a bit...when you hyphenate it, it throws me a bit...the colors are a bit distracting because they make me think of christmas...if you want to keep colors pick ones that dont attribute to the holidays...nicely played over all...

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the suggestions, Brain.
      Will change the colors to milder shades soon :)

      Delete
  10. Plenty of nice lines/phrases here and the form you have make line transition very smooth. I'm really having trouble with the text colour though. It is almost impossible to read for me. A sBrian says, these are Christmas colours, but that's not even the main issue - they are colours (on black) that are particularly hard to read, especially in juxtaposition like this. Also think flow line-to-line would be even better is you dropped the caps at the beginnings of lines, viz -



    Each and every waking moment , he burns
    burns - in the fire that he lit
    it by the spark of his hopes
    hopes that get extinguished every night

    Night - that lonely , dark place
    place which he loves and fears the most
    most of his time is spent in thinking
    thinking of those unexperienced memories

    Memories that haunt endlessly
    endlessly knocking at his mind
    mind mystified by signs
    signs of the inevitable

    Inevitable - that's what it always was
    was never in his reach
    reach was only in his dreams
    dreams which ignite desire

    Desire - the ultimate cause of his pain
    pain which has become his symbiote
    symbiote for his each moment
    moment which he wants to forget

    Forget those unworthy thoughts
    Thoughts which erode his senses
    Senses which have become numb
    Numb by his own actions


    Actions which were futile
    Futile like his words
    Words which are his feelings
    Feelings, which continuously crumble

    Crumble like pieces of paper
    Paper which is torn into pieces
    Pieces which form the puzzle
    The puzzle of his heart

    Heart - he realizes is just an organ
    organ relentlessly keeping him alive
    alive to go through this endless loop
    loop running each and every waking moment.


    merely suggestions, as always :) how does that look?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for the suggestions.

      Have dropped the caps at line beginnings.
      I somehow like the Christmas colors, will change them to some milder colors soon :)

      Delete
  11. fun verse, the colors, and the descriptions are beautiful and impressive.

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  12. You know I have done things in colors and have been told to not use so many as it is confusing for the reader. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I do not. I can see you do the same thing. But I must say that it was easier to read it in the comments section as one color. But it was fun to read it in the colors because I was trying to see if there was some puzzle to the words as related to the colors.

    Things can have different views. Thanks for sharing this with Theme Thursday.

    God bless.

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  13. Beautifully knitted. Interesting post. You may also like some #Inspirational, #motivational quotes on #relationships, #empathy, #narscissism, #love, #life, #parenting, #spirituality, #lightworkers, #healers, life coaching etc. Dont miss.

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