Each and every waking moment , he burns
burns - in the fire that he lit
lit by the spark of his hopes
hopes that get extinguished every night
Night - that lonely , dark place
place which he loves and fears the most
most of his time is spent in thinking
thinking of those unexperienced memories
Memories that haunt endlessly
endlessly knocking at his mind
mind mystified by signs
signs of the inevitable
Inevitable - that's what it always was
was never in his reach
reach was only in his dreams
dreams which ignite desire
Desire - the ultimate cause of his pain
pain which has become his symbiote
symbiote for his each moment
moment which he wants to forget
Forget those unworthy thoughts
thoughts which erode his senses
senses which have become numb
numb by his own actions
Actions which were futile
futile like his words
words which are his feelings
feelings, which continuously crumble
Crumble like pieces of paper
paper which is torn into pieces
pieces which form the puzzle
the puzzle of his heart
Heart - he realizes is just an organ
organ relentlessly keeping him alive
alive to go through this endless loop
loop running each and every waking moment.
awesome!!! :)
ReplyDeletewow !! perfectly done ! great flow to the lines :))
ReplyDeleteconsciously well framed, each & every word n line!!!!
ReplyDeleteyour poetic skills are growing very fine!!!!
This is so creative.
ReplyDeletewelcome to poets rally.
have fun today.
:)
ha. great circular poem...around and around we go...love the wrap in each line...and some great imagery as you told the tale...
ReplyDeleteVery very artfully done! And with so much meaning and depth in it too... really beautiful!
ReplyDeleteInteresting colourful use of form
ReplyDeleteI agree creative and interesting form =)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed reading your poem.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
awesome umesh..you rock..as always...
ReplyDeleteThe way you use the color gives a whole new dimension to the poetry. Bravo. The beginning reminds me of fahrenheit 451 "It was a pleasure to burn."
ReplyDeleteThanks :) Will read fahrenheit 451 soon
ReplyDeleteInteresting and perfect. Thanks for sharing. I apologies that I checked late :)
ReplyDeletegreat flow line to line...would tighten up some of the middle sections a bit...when you hyphenate it, it throws me a bit...the colors are a bit distracting because they make me think of christmas...if you want to keep colors pick ones that dont attribute to the holidays...nicely played over all...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the suggestions, Brain.
DeleteWill change the colors to milder shades soon :)
Plenty of nice lines/phrases here and the form you have make line transition very smooth. I'm really having trouble with the text colour though. It is almost impossible to read for me. A sBrian says, these are Christmas colours, but that's not even the main issue - they are colours (on black) that are particularly hard to read, especially in juxtaposition like this. Also think flow line-to-line would be even better is you dropped the caps at the beginnings of lines, viz -
ReplyDeleteEach and every waking moment , he burns
burns - in the fire that he lit
it by the spark of his hopes
hopes that get extinguished every night
Night - that lonely , dark place
place which he loves and fears the most
most of his time is spent in thinking
thinking of those unexperienced memories
Memories that haunt endlessly
endlessly knocking at his mind
mind mystified by signs
signs of the inevitable
Inevitable - that's what it always was
was never in his reach
reach was only in his dreams
dreams which ignite desire
Desire - the ultimate cause of his pain
pain which has become his symbiote
symbiote for his each moment
moment which he wants to forget
Forget those unworthy thoughts
Thoughts which erode his senses
Senses which have become numb
Numb by his own actions
Actions which were futile
Futile like his words
Words which are his feelings
Feelings, which continuously crumble
Crumble like pieces of paper
Paper which is torn into pieces
Pieces which form the puzzle
The puzzle of his heart
Heart - he realizes is just an organ
organ relentlessly keeping him alive
alive to go through this endless loop
loop running each and every waking moment.
merely suggestions, as always :) how does that look?
Thank you so much for the suggestions.
DeleteHave dropped the caps at line beginnings.
I somehow like the Christmas colors, will change them to some milder colors soon :)
fun verse, the colors, and the descriptions are beautiful and impressive.
ReplyDeleteNot worthless at all!
ReplyDeleteYou know I have done things in colors and have been told to not use so many as it is confusing for the reader. Sometimes I listen and sometimes I do not. I can see you do the same thing. But I must say that it was easier to read it in the comments section as one color. But it was fun to read it in the colors because I was trying to see if there was some puzzle to the words as related to the colors.
ReplyDeleteThings can have different views. Thanks for sharing this with Theme Thursday.
God bless.
Beautifully knitted. Interesting post. You may also like some #Inspirational, #motivational quotes on #relationships, #empathy, #narscissism, #love, #life, #parenting, #spirituality, #lightworkers, #healers, life coaching etc. Dont miss.
ReplyDelete